This past week while surfing the web and killing time, I came across a site called TODOLISTBLOG.BLOGSPOT.COM I was extremely fascinated by it because I never knew just how many people make strange lists like I do. In fact, when I list my hobbies on places like Facebook etc.. MAKING LISTS is always the first thing I will put down on the interests part. Ive always made lists dating as far back as I can remember. It was a way to remind me of the things I felt were important to take care of. As I grew older and crazier, my lists became more humorous and really trivial. Its funny because, making lists was a way for me to remain in control of certain situations, had it been for organizational purposes or just to keep me pointed in the right direction and to keep me focused on my goals. It was so eerie for me to see this secret underground world of list makers all out in the open writing lists like mine to a certain degree.
A lot of my lists tend to list self imposed deadlines for myself. When I was 18, I said that I wanted to have all of my kids by the age of 25. Obviously that didnt happen. I started to use the age of 25 to be the above all and end all for me as far as accomplishments went. The list started to grow and eventually looked like this-
1. Finish having kids.
2. Get my GED diploma.
3. Learn to play an instrument of some sort.
4. Stop biting my nails.
5. Be extremely waif like skinny.
6. Ride the scariest rollercoaster in the tri-state area and overcome my fear of heights.
This list became my mantra. I used to say that I would be completely happy with myself if I did all of those things. Funny part is, with the exception of 1 and 3 I have accomplished all of those things. Never all at the same time.. but they have been checked off.
To me, 4,5 and 6 were the most important. Its funny because when I was super skinny (im a girl and we never know just how emaciated we once were until we look back at pictures and say... "wow, I was sooo thin then") it was almost impossible for me to have long beautiful french manicured nails.Man was I shallow. One day it happened though, and I was waiting for that lit halo to shine above my head and make me feel most empowered. Sad part was, I had thought of 2 other things I NEEDED to get done to feel complete. What they were, I dont really remember, I just know that I was crushed by the fact that here I had accomplished 2 things that were in my view, the impossible, and yet- I was not satisfied.
Im still working on the instrument thing, but I do believe I can sing and carry a tune nicely. About 3 months ago I rode all 6 terror fest rides at six flags, now im not gonna lie-- THAT was an accomplishment.
Someone I am very close to once asked me to make a list of things I liked and disliked about myself. At the time, I thought to myself- make a LIST?? YES!! I love those things. Turns out it was a very strange list to have to make. Hmm.. I started to speed write- im a good listener, a loyal friend, a good bowler, I can braid hair like no other, I can bake, blah blah blah.. They explained to me that that wasnt what they were getting at but that my list was quite entertaining.
When I email or text a friend or even call them I almost always start out with a list. Eg. 1. what are you doing tonight 2. whats so and so's number 3. i lost my kheils chapstick, im so bummed 4. i love you.
Obviously there are a ton of lists ive made that I wont share here right now, all in due time though. What im getting at here is that I operate in list mode. Most people know this about me. What I have learned from all of this is that, lists say a lot about a person and almost give you a peak into someones mind. I still do make lists and probably will until I die. I love that there is a site dedicated to just this hobby. Some of the entries are hysterical, unreal and a little boring. Others are devastating and really get you thinking. It feels great to know that there are people just as twisted as me out there who share my penchant for jotting sheer nonsense down just for the hell of it.
List of songs I am currently rotating-
1.Lou Reed- Perfect Day
2.Daniel Johnston- True Love Will Find You in the End
3.Wreckless Eric- Whole Wide World
4.The Standells- Dirty Water
Yes im getting my OLDIES groove on.
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