So I came across this video a while ago and it had me in stitches. Sarah Silverman irked me when she went below the belt with her Britney and Paris comments at one of those award shows, but this has redeemed her. Watch this, then watch the rebuttal.
Long story short, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman are boyfriend and girlfriend. Nuff said.
OMG, "ON the bed on the floor, on a TOWEL by the door" seriously, does it get any BETTER??
NOW WATCH THIS- note all the cameos- his reply-
L- O -freaking L
I like hers better I think
Monday, February 25, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
OSCAR, THE GROUCH
The OSCARS, heres where I say what youre all thinking, if you even wasted your time.
ENJOYZ
1. Jennifer Garner looks magnificent. Her arms and her collarbone... insane-o. Im usually not a fan, NOW I am.
2. Sorry EL, if youre reading, Jon Stuart is SO not funny tonight, I wanna crawl in a corner for him.
3. Katherine Heigl, I dunno. Not loving.
4. Totally unrelated right now- IM MADLY IN LOVE WITH CRAIG FERGUSON. LIKE TRUE LOVE.
5. No Country For Old Men, man Javier whatever his name is scared the living shit out of me with that hair in that movie, his character still haunts me. EWWW.
6. WOW, Jon Stewart is so not funny.
7. Gosh, Keri Russell, my total girl crush for obvious reasons. SO pretty and natural.
8. This little 11 year old girl singing the song raise it up is about to put BEYONCE outta business.
9. OWEN WILSONS nose is getting worse, is that even possible? Id still tap that, okay maybe not.
10. Jessica Alba rubs me the wrong way. I dont get all the hype. I feel like she also has a chip on her shoulder since she found out she was prego, I dont blame her.
11. Cate Blanchett is always nominated, I love her and her deep voice, her purple dress with ugly the ugly necklace, not so much. Like who the hell gets nominated twice for 2 different movies in the same year. The woman is ace.
12. Nice one shooing the winner for best song off the stage before she got to speak.
13. If I were a dude, Id wanna be Jack Nicholson, obvs, the dudes a legend in his black wayfarers.
14. Cameron Diaz's gown was pretty, wayyyy too tight on the boobage though.
15. These award shows are so freaking corny. BORING.
16. OKAY I LIED, IM BACK. DANIEL DAY LEWIS will be MINE. I will wreck his home and steal him. Ugh, hes the ultimate. His tux, that accent. LE SIGH.
ENJOYZ
1. Jennifer Garner looks magnificent. Her arms and her collarbone... insane-o. Im usually not a fan, NOW I am.
2. Sorry EL, if youre reading, Jon Stuart is SO not funny tonight, I wanna crawl in a corner for him.
3. Katherine Heigl, I dunno. Not loving.
4. Totally unrelated right now- IM MADLY IN LOVE WITH CRAIG FERGUSON. LIKE TRUE LOVE.
5. No Country For Old Men, man Javier whatever his name is scared the living shit out of me with that hair in that movie, his character still haunts me. EWWW.
6. WOW, Jon Stewart is so not funny.
7. Gosh, Keri Russell, my total girl crush for obvious reasons. SO pretty and natural.
8. This little 11 year old girl singing the song raise it up is about to put BEYONCE outta business.
9. OWEN WILSONS nose is getting worse, is that even possible? Id still tap that, okay maybe not.
10. Jessica Alba rubs me the wrong way. I dont get all the hype. I feel like she also has a chip on her shoulder since she found out she was prego, I dont blame her.
11. Cate Blanchett is always nominated, I love her and her deep voice, her purple dress with ugly the ugly necklace, not so much. Like who the hell gets nominated twice for 2 different movies in the same year. The woman is ace.
12. Nice one shooing the winner for best song off the stage before she got to speak.
13. If I were a dude, Id wanna be Jack Nicholson, obvs, the dudes a legend in his black wayfarers.
14. Cameron Diaz's gown was pretty, wayyyy too tight on the boobage though.
15. These award shows are so freaking corny. BORING.
16. OKAY I LIED, IM BACK. DANIEL DAY LEWIS will be MINE. I will wreck his home and steal him. Ugh, hes the ultimate. His tux, that accent. LE SIGH.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Fickle Freckles.
Im only allowed to talk about freckles because I have them. If you hate freckles and you dont know me, well then, you wont like me, maybe.
Ever since I was a little kid people would be like "AWW, your freckles are so cute!" I always smiled and thanked them politely because if I didnt my mother would strangle me for having poor manners. My mom was always big on that stuff. No rude kids were allowed to live under her roof. But in all honesty, it really fell over deaf ears. Yeah, I had freckles, just like I had 2 eyes, a nose and a mouth. It wasnt till about 2 years ago when I was talking to a friend and they were saying how they wished they had freckles. Why? I thought? Doesnt everyone have them? Um, NO she said. YOU do, I dont." I guess", I said to myself. I looked in her mirror and was like, hmmm, these are some strange mothersf*ckers arent they? I was never really aware of them until that day and from then on I am now completely conscious of the fact that yes I have those light brownish spots on my face. Yeah theyre really creepy when you stare at them closely. No, I cant imagine what it would be like to have a completely bare face without these little markings that seem to multiply into obscene numbers in the summertime.
Lindsay Lohan on the other hand- is INFESTED with them. Like a not normal amount. I dont have freckles on my elbows or on my lips. I dont have them on my knees or on my stomach. Mine are contained to the face, shoulder, arm region. I really like her. Her freckles on her stomach in this weeks NEW YORK magazine depicting Marilyn Monroe? Not so much. Yep she has them on her ass too.
Heres the link - NY MAGAZINE pics
"http://media.nymag.com/fashion/08/spring/44247/"
Ever since I was a little kid people would be like "AWW, your freckles are so cute!" I always smiled and thanked them politely because if I didnt my mother would strangle me for having poor manners. My mom was always big on that stuff. No rude kids were allowed to live under her roof. But in all honesty, it really fell over deaf ears. Yeah, I had freckles, just like I had 2 eyes, a nose and a mouth. It wasnt till about 2 years ago when I was talking to a friend and they were saying how they wished they had freckles. Why? I thought? Doesnt everyone have them? Um, NO she said. YOU do, I dont." I guess", I said to myself. I looked in her mirror and was like, hmmm, these are some strange mothersf*ckers arent they? I was never really aware of them until that day and from then on I am now completely conscious of the fact that yes I have those light brownish spots on my face. Yeah theyre really creepy when you stare at them closely. No, I cant imagine what it would be like to have a completely bare face without these little markings that seem to multiply into obscene numbers in the summertime.
Lindsay Lohan on the other hand- is INFESTED with them. Like a not normal amount. I dont have freckles on my elbows or on my lips. I dont have them on my knees or on my stomach. Mine are contained to the face, shoulder, arm region. I really like her. Her freckles on her stomach in this weeks NEW YORK magazine depicting Marilyn Monroe? Not so much. Yep she has them on her ass too.
Heres the link - NY MAGAZINE pics
"http://media.nymag.com/fashion/08/spring/44247/"
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
SAD
I cried tonight. It was a long time coming though. I felt hurt, sadly I dont really feel any better. If anything I feel even more hurt. Thats life though- Thats all.
No sarcasm from me tonight. No funny hostile stories
Just plain BLAH.
No sarcasm from me tonight. No funny hostile stories
Just plain BLAH.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
RE-PUKED
Of course another ridiculous disaster happened to me again.
As usual the one in a million chance finds me.
Shall we?
After partying at Els birthday bash which was a ton of fun, ps- Hi EL! I opted not to drive home because I am a responsible adult.
Luckily I was able to score a nice spot on the corner of Elizabeth and Prince, seeing as though the New Museum was right around the corner, I was stoked. It was even more amazing when I saw that my car wouldnt be towed in the AM and that my spot was a legitimate one. Blah blah. Side note, everyone had to wear a color other than black, white navy or gray. I was in my hot pink and red dress, D picked me up and told me that I looked like a FRUIT LOOP- the nerve!!
Whatevs, I was feeling good and that comment wasnt going to get to me.
I woke up the next morning with a headache to beat the band. I had a ton of homework to do. My car was in the city and I had to go get it. TORTURE. It was then that I was riling myself up about driving it into the city to begin with the night before.
The traffic into the city was absolute hell. Traffic. Short stops in the cab. Freezing cold out. An hour later after a drive that normally takes 20 minutes tops I arrived at my car.
I clicked the unlock button and walked over to the car. At first it looked like a bird infected with the avian flu exploded on my car mixed with the runs. That wouldve been a blessing compared to what I found.
Someones HUMAN stomach exploded on my windshield and my window. Frozen puke. Covered. Colorful. With that distinctive pinkish vomit hue to it. Wow, (my color theory class really is getting to me) This person mustve downed IPECAC 3 minutes before stopping at my car inducing this kind of vomit. We are talking gallons here. I just stared blankly and screamed, WHY ME?? Have I not experienced enough shit? I started shivering and climbed into the car. People were staring at me and laughing. I had to drive this barf ball all the way to brooklyn and straight to the car wash. Forgetting the fact that my wiper fluid did nothing because this crap was clearly frozen and embedded. I kept having to stare at someone elses vomit which at this point I started to see blue speckles in it.. BARFFFFF. Its bad enough when we puke in the toilet and have to look at it for a sec before flushing but having to sit in some strangers digestive track for 45 minutes in traffic was a completely different life changing experience for me. People were staring at me at every red light with a "party hardy" / "someone needs to lock this chick up" look. It was quite unsexy. Two car washes later- the car was fine.The people at the car wash were not. They didnt even wanna let their hose touch my car for fear of the ricochet factor. I however am still not fine, and am scarred for life. Im pretty much convinced at this point that nothing else can top this one for at least another good 6 months. But at the rate im going next week should bring another lovely surprise.
As usual the one in a million chance finds me.
Shall we?
After partying at Els birthday bash which was a ton of fun, ps- Hi EL! I opted not to drive home because I am a responsible adult.
Luckily I was able to score a nice spot on the corner of Elizabeth and Prince, seeing as though the New Museum was right around the corner, I was stoked. It was even more amazing when I saw that my car wouldnt be towed in the AM and that my spot was a legitimate one. Blah blah. Side note, everyone had to wear a color other than black, white navy or gray. I was in my hot pink and red dress, D picked me up and told me that I looked like a FRUIT LOOP- the nerve!!
Whatevs, I was feeling good and that comment wasnt going to get to me.
I woke up the next morning with a headache to beat the band. I had a ton of homework to do. My car was in the city and I had to go get it. TORTURE. It was then that I was riling myself up about driving it into the city to begin with the night before.
The traffic into the city was absolute hell. Traffic. Short stops in the cab. Freezing cold out. An hour later after a drive that normally takes 20 minutes tops I arrived at my car.
I clicked the unlock button and walked over to the car. At first it looked like a bird infected with the avian flu exploded on my car mixed with the runs. That wouldve been a blessing compared to what I found.
Someones HUMAN stomach exploded on my windshield and my window. Frozen puke. Covered. Colorful. With that distinctive pinkish vomit hue to it. Wow, (my color theory class really is getting to me) This person mustve downed IPECAC 3 minutes before stopping at my car inducing this kind of vomit. We are talking gallons here. I just stared blankly and screamed, WHY ME?? Have I not experienced enough shit? I started shivering and climbed into the car. People were staring at me and laughing. I had to drive this barf ball all the way to brooklyn and straight to the car wash. Forgetting the fact that my wiper fluid did nothing because this crap was clearly frozen and embedded. I kept having to stare at someone elses vomit which at this point I started to see blue speckles in it.. BARFFFFF. Its bad enough when we puke in the toilet and have to look at it for a sec before flushing but having to sit in some strangers digestive track for 45 minutes in traffic was a completely different life changing experience for me. People were staring at me at every red light with a "party hardy" / "someone needs to lock this chick up" look. It was quite unsexy. Two car washes later- the car was fine.The people at the car wash were not. They didnt even wanna let their hose touch my car for fear of the ricochet factor. I however am still not fine, and am scarred for life. Im pretty much convinced at this point that nothing else can top this one for at least another good 6 months. But at the rate im going next week should bring another lovely surprise.
WHY??
1.Why are there huge snowballs falling from the sky? Snow is one thing, ive seen, we've all seen it, my question is, is it me or are there massive chunks coming down from the heavens? I found myself running away from these snowballs with my hands covering my face screaming to myself, dont shoot!!! afraid that one would hit me really hard. Then I remembered that im somewhat insane.
2. Why does Katherine Heigl proudly pose with her cave man hubby looking care free?? Hi, is her hubby needs some severe manscaping there? Dude needs help. He makes Austin Powers chest look like a babys ass. He needs to get on that AHORA.com
3. Why does it seem like Britneys just trying too hard to be a freak. Gosh, those fishnets with all those holes. It seems like it takes more work to actually get them on than to just buy another pair. YAWN. Shes boring me, she seriously needs to change it up a bit if she wants to keep me interested.
4. Why does SECOND AVENUE DELI have to put the COW TONGUE on display in the glass counter with the other meats on display in front? Like you see the turkey, pastrami, roast beef, COW DONG and salami. ERT!!! I saw it today and couldnt believe my eyes. Taste buds and all. Huge FAT TONGUE. Vomit. Its bad enough that people eat an animals tongue but no way in hell can that be mainstreamed. If you do enjoy that, you need to keep it private and eat it in the closet.
5. Why am I obsessed with taking pictures of my injuries and bruises? Does that make me a freak? Obvs. Save the thought.
6. Why do taxi drivers and car service drivers love to strike up conversation with me? Sometimes im not in the mood. It doesnt mean im rude, it just means that I wanna bite my chapped lip in peace.
7. Why didnt I get to make out with Heath Ledger??
8. Why is my brother in law obsessed with playing with rubber bands??
9. Why did I have to read in the post today that one of the worst sex offenders in the US won 10 million dollars after buying a lotto ticket at a grocery store? Why is that fair? Ill tell you what is fair though. He has to register as being a sexual offender which means that EVERYONE will know where he lives with his millions. HA.
2. Why does Katherine Heigl proudly pose with her cave man hubby looking care free?? Hi, is her hubby needs some severe manscaping there? Dude needs help. He makes Austin Powers chest look like a babys ass. He needs to get on that AHORA.com
3. Why does it seem like Britneys just trying too hard to be a freak. Gosh, those fishnets with all those holes. It seems like it takes more work to actually get them on than to just buy another pair. YAWN. Shes boring me, she seriously needs to change it up a bit if she wants to keep me interested.
4. Why does SECOND AVENUE DELI have to put the COW TONGUE on display in the glass counter with the other meats on display in front? Like you see the turkey, pastrami, roast beef, COW DONG and salami. ERT!!! I saw it today and couldnt believe my eyes. Taste buds and all. Huge FAT TONGUE. Vomit. Its bad enough that people eat an animals tongue but no way in hell can that be mainstreamed. If you do enjoy that, you need to keep it private and eat it in the closet.
5. Why am I obsessed with taking pictures of my injuries and bruises? Does that make me a freak? Obvs. Save the thought.
6. Why do taxi drivers and car service drivers love to strike up conversation with me? Sometimes im not in the mood. It doesnt mean im rude, it just means that I wanna bite my chapped lip in peace.
7. Why didnt I get to make out with Heath Ledger??
8. Why is my brother in law obsessed with playing with rubber bands??
9. Why did I have to read in the post today that one of the worst sex offenders in the US won 10 million dollars after buying a lotto ticket at a grocery store? Why is that fair? Ill tell you what is fair though. He has to register as being a sexual offender which means that EVERYONE will know where he lives with his millions. HA.
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